The whale within me

My struggle with my weight and emotional eating began when I was nine years old. I remember the day food became my best friend. It was the day my father died. There were four dozen people at my home paying their respects. I didn’t quite understand what was really going on. I had not yet grasped that my father was never going to return home again. I was a quiet kid and didn’t know how to express what I was feeling so I ate. Every time I felt I ate.

By eighth grade I was overweight, not yet obese but definitely not healthy. I was now living with my Aunt & Uncle in Miami since at this point my Mother had passed away as well from Diabetes complications. I remember being over a girlfriend’s house and we were all going swimming. Three boys and two girls. I was the heaviest person there. When I came out in my bathing suit, the boys began to laugh at me and quietly made jokes about my body amongst themselves.

I’ll never forget hearing these three boys call me a whale.

For the next decade, every time I put on a swimsuit I relived that moment. At 300 LBS, 150 LBS, 165 LBS, whatever weight I was, I was always a “whale”. I’ve grown to love being in the water and while I don’t always think about this memory unconsciously the “whale comment” became a belief within me and was now a state of being soaked in self consciousness and fear I would be judged by others.

It left an energetic imprint on me and has driven most interactions/narratives I have had with my body since then. I continued the whale conversation with myself since that day in eighth grade.

So here I am, 37 years old and at a healthy weight. I am not the smallest I have been but I’m no longer considered obese and to be quite honest happier than I have ever been. I do have some loose skin on my legs and belly from losing 140+ lbs that still frustrates me but I would rather have the skin than be where I once was. So, here I was in the South of France where everyone is going topless and once again my “whale” perception has me believing I am the biggest person in the room. I wore my bikini proudly but at moments felt like I wanted to hide and I wasn’t as pretty or sexy as the other women around me.

I was on a birthday trip with a close girlfriend and 9 of her friends. All wonderful, all accepting but in my head I was fearful I would be ridiculed for my body so rather than be carefree I sat quietly in my beach chair and compared myself to the other women. This allowed my ego mind to further confirm the old “whale” story.

One of the days we rented a boat and toured the Calenga Smiour Coves. By far the most magical and beautiful place I have ever seen. The clearest water with rocks that looked like crystals. I was on the front of a boat having a quiet moment to myself and for some reason I felt a desire to go topless just like everyone else. If this trip is about getting out of my comfort zone, experiencing other cultures and well accepting myself 100%, why not?

It was a private boat, I was with people I felt safe with including men. Trust me I was shocking myself here. Quietly I took off my top, and enjoyed the rest of the day with the crew topless. For the first time in a very long time I felt remarkably beautiful, I felt completely grounded and solid in my own skin. Not because I was topless but because I didn’t allow my body to define my choices or dictate how I was going to perceive myself. My body was good enough just like everyone else. I was choosing to accept it exactly as I am. None of the guys made any jokes or made me feel uncomfortable. More importantly, I finally stopped making jokes and making myself uncomfortable.

8th grade was finally over. I was no longer a whale. In this moment I healed my 12 year old self by sending her unconditional acceptance and love. How liberating.

My friend Jazmin came over and patted me on the shoulder. She knew from a far what a big moment of self acceptance this was. Again it wasn’t that I went topless. It was I no longer felt a need to hide my body to feel I was worthy of being accepted by others. I finally accepted my body and dared to try something new.

Have you ever felt this way? Been so committed to your own harsh judgement that you actually stop yourself from experiencing things? Why be committed to something that prevents you from ACCEPTING YOU? I invite you to send love to the place you are judging rather than hate. Love will support you healing the area so needing your love, nurturing and acceptance. Your life is waiting for you to experience it. Let nothing including yourself stop you from all the joy life wants to offer you. Please don’t forget you are perfectly imperfect and so is everyone else.

The truth is some 8th grade boys are mean and you are not a whale.

Thank you to the Fantastic 10 for making me feel so safe and honored. I am not sure you will ever know what those five days in France meant to me. It set the tone for this journey and I thank you.


Never was a whale – Melissa Darryl Dawkins Jersey Artem Anisimov Jersey


"What do you really want from me?"
My heart - your love.

What do you really want from me?

My deeper self - your love.

What do you really want from me?

The parts of me I do not always like - your love.

What do you really want from me?

My soul - your love.

Okay, here is my love… now what do you want from me?

More love please.

This was a conversation I had with my heart the other day in meditation. Not to scare anyone off, but meditation does not always feel delicious or comfortable. I was sitting in silence, allowing the parts of myself that needed my attention to be loved and heard. This conversation was raw, confronting, and left me in tears feeling conflicted and vulnerable. My deeper self gently placed red flags on the parts of me engaged in a game of suffering, reminding me that I had complete control of ending said suffering. I was sitting in an emotional contradiction that only sitting still could clear.


There are times when your ego, or what some school of thought believes is the shadow of self, will try to convince you of ideals, beliefs and traits that are just not true to who you are at your core. These glorious parts of you that have grown dark due to a lack of love are, too, learning how to ask for what they need, how to call in support and compassion. How to say, "Hey out there, I need a hug.” The body knows what the mind can’t process, getting quiet gives you access to this information, to what you truly need.

While meditation is one space for me personally to explore these parts of myself, it’s not always easy and can be upsetting. What I have come to learn about myself and 99.9% of my clients is that being able to sit with yourself - all parts of you - is crucial to self-mastery and radical self-acceptance. Within this acceptance there is no room for judgement or shame, which leaves a pathway of self-compassion and love to be nurtured.

It took me a long time to learn how to get quiet enough to hear what my deeper self needed me to choose to believe as truth in thoughts and then act upon in the physical world.

Creating this connection has been paramount to my practice, and there are five distinct tools I used to foster and sustain it. I share these five tools with you in my complimentary 5-day video series on how to connect with your intuitive brilliance in a sustainable way! By the end of this 5-day experience, it is my hope you will have a better understanding of how to support you heart, truly implanting into the world what it wants for this life. You can grab it here.

So, why am I telling you this, and inviting you to this 5-day challenge?

Because you are your own medicine, and I want you to grab hold of the hero within. He/she is there, asking for your love, and is ready to love you right back. Please allow the space to sit naked with your deeper self. Disarm yourself of what it is supposed to feel and look like. Utilizing the body and tapping into its subtle wisdom is the highest technology service we already own. You are a walking and breathing blueprint of information on how to live an extraordinary life that you have the capacity and capability to live. Sitting naked with yourself, and I am not just talking physically, allows you to hear the truth of what your body is ready to let go of that maybe your brain has not caught on to yet, and likewise what your body is ready to receive that, again, your mind might not realize it has the space for.

Let in the greatness that life’s mysteries has to offer you. You are worthy of feeling the intimacy and clarity of your greatest teacher's wisdom.

That greatest teacher being you.

Love yourself from the inside out. You will suffer a lot less this way.

Hit reply and let me know you signed up for the 5-day challenge! What resonated from today's message? It always feels great hearing from you.

With love,



P.S. - The picture has nothing to to do with this post. It's just really cute cat wallpaper. xo.




THEN in the shadow there was light….a shift

a shift to explore further

to love all parts deeper

to go from shallow’s safety into the danger of depth’s freedom

with no reserve

without judgement

rewiring the pain into learnings for the heroine to find.

LOVE awakens here as if it is for the first time

an indestructible warrior love needed to endure the rain

endlessly swirling between sane and crazy

time & time again.

WITHIN one’s pain is freedom

freedom to extinguish false truths and their caging sexy facades

allowing connection through liberation with arms wide open trembling as trauma steps aside

HOLY hell it smells good to see with fresh eyes

confusing how this could have been lost in the depths of your mind’s blatant lies

sensually play in your truth, your heart, your center, your guide

dancing with your power trying not to let it subside.

PLAY your jams

let your heart sing

feed the belly divine

life is precious, wild, soft and blurring but yours to ride

jump in

BECOME the other side.

- Inspired by several client discussions and personal learnings. Written in Porto, Portugal at Base Bar listening to reggae music, feet in the grass, sipping on Sangria and sharing connections with locals. 


Igniting Connection in Loss: Becoming My Father’s Daughter Again (as seen on


I could not feel more blessed and proud that my first piece published on The Mighty is during Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and also is a homage to my late father. As a Suicide Prevention Advocate it has become my mission to reach anyone who may be suffering or feel alone that they are not and support is always available.

I share my experience in finding connection in loss, how not bypassing our pain and rather facing it while difficult can liberate an immense amount of love and connection to those we have lost and foster inner peace.

Please share with anyone who may be struggling in their own journey or needs to hear this message of love and hope.

Click here: Igniting Connection in Loss: Becoming my Father’s Daughter Again 

With love,
Melissa Austin Blythe Authentic Jersey Eric Staal Jersey




my heart exploded into one.

my heart exploded into one 

leaving final remnants of narratives, thorns and beasts of yesteryear in hands only angels could create

offering mourning for the anger of wanting,  sadness of need, and loneliness of being full without being seen

forgetting why it got lost —forgetting why it was found

swirling in zero expectation only full hearts can circulate


recharging upon it’s power so far divine

a dragon rose from the ashes only an inner goddess could tame it’s brilliant twisted mind

as energy vigorously broke the cuffs around the pain

painting the most beautiful masterpiece my future will begin to create

sealing off succulent tunnels of false safety only fear could find

breaking open spirit’s secret room and grand staircase of the upmost royal shine

inhaling old souls shining wisdom

discovering the buried treasure of light left behind

feeling dangerously criminal as it called all guards to halt

this army of renegades now sees with fresh eyes

no more battles to be won

lost weapons only angels can navigate

allowing love to seep into bones as strong as the oldest forest and most powerful sea

feeding lost hunger pains nutrients of connection only freedom can bring

my heart exploded into one

my heart exploded into one

my heart exploded into one

and then it was done.


written in Sintra, Portugal. November 2016. With the ocean to myself and my pen free.


Thor, Banyan Trees and why it’s important to be yourself.

Thor, Banyan Trees and why it's important to be yourself...


Last month, I was on a call with my Women’s Circle. We were being lead through a beautiful meditation in which we were asked to visualize ourselves as a tree. I’m sure the visualization went on to something super empowering about grounding and allowing yourself to sway in the wind. However, I got distracted by what tree I would be.

The light you are seeking is within you.

The first thing I saw was a wildly large oak tree whimsically swaying in the wind. My brain hit the brakes - record player screeched, super loud annoying alarms went off - an OAK TREE?! I would have thought I’d have been be a banyan tree.

I love banyan trees.

They are my favorite, and way more intriguing than a boring old oak tree.

As I sat there for a few breaths trying to replace the super sweet and sturdy oak tree with my way cooler and more interesting banyan tree, I couldn’t. This oak tree was going nowhere, and seemed to be growing bigger the more I tried to change it. In hindsight, there was nothing special about the banyan tree image. It was all right in color, stature, and energy, but nothing outstanding. Yet I was determined in my mind to be a banyan tree, and no matter how much I tried, I could not get a banyan tree to appear within this visualization. I was in complete opposition with myself. A few deep breaths later, I surrendered and answered the invitation my meditation was offering… stop trying, and just be who you are! I sat in sweet defeat and surrendered to my perceived boring, oak tree-self.

The whole thing took about eight minutes, but it was a strong and beautiful soul reminder to always be myself. I have worked hard to get to know, honor, and respect who I am.

I remember when my thinking was quite different. I used to believe that if I gave up my fancy career in the music industry, let my hair go natural, gave up the fancy titles and New York dress-to-impress clothes, I would appear boring to others. The idea that I could be boring without these external factors paralyzed me into a relationship with an inauthentic version of myself for a decade.

A version of myself that I am happy I experienced to get to who I am today, but a version I would not have been able to keep up with for the rest of my time here on earth.

Recently, on a second date, the man and I realized we had a shared experience with the word “boring.” We laughed about our similar stories, and continued getting to know each other through the rest of the date. He called me afterward to offer this: he said, “Darling, the woman I got to know tonight… well, there is not one ounce of boring in those bones of yours. The old you? Now, she sounded boring.”

We both laughed, but the message was received.

Being who you are - with your inner feelings, complexities, desires, neuroses, and ways - is extraordinary and rich, and will call in the right people and events to your life’s path. When you try to be like everyone else, or anything but yourself, well - that brings you back to ordinary. Not the other way around.

Think about the people you admire or look up to: why do you look up to them? More than likely, it’s their authentic nature and fearlessness to stand tall in it.

I want to assure you if these people can find the way to be themselves, so can you. You are sitting at the same table. I am asking you to pick up the fork and start eating.

My experience with the oak tree image has not left my side since that mediation, so I decided to do a bit of research around it.

Oak Tree Interesting Facts:

  • The oak tree is an enduring emblem of strength and survival.
  • Many nations, including the United States, Germany, and England chose the oak tree as it’s national tree.
  • In Greek mythology, the oak tree is sacred to Zeus, king of the gods.
  • In Norse mythology, the oak tree was sacred to the thunder god, Thor (HELLLLOOO).
  • An oak tree’s roots reach as far into the ground as its branches reach into the sky, which supports this tree as the symbol for the saying, “as above, so below.”
  • Oak trees symbolize leadership, wise rulership, generosity, dignity, truthfulness, courage, and steadiness.
  • Considered “the Goddess Tree” (um, duh).

I am definitely a woman who is strong and steadfast and in deep fellowship with God. I thrive in expansion and elevation and believe in the movement of both. I have dedicated my work to leadership and live with generosity.

I am and will always be an oak tree. Taking the time to get to know my root patterns, my trunks, dark and light tunnels, and branches that reach my capabilities has been the best love story of my life. I would not have been able to put that love story into one image till I sat in this meditation (thank you, Jen).

Who you are in your purest, natural, most powerful state of being will present itself in all sorts of ways if you choose to see it. Remaining devoted and patient will allow your rightful tree, that is unique to you, to present itself.

I would have never guessed an oak tree. Ever. But I am what I am.

There is an intelligence within you that sits with delicate, open arms, holding a beautiful space for you to explore the inner tunnels of your soul. Why not explode in curiosity, and dig deeper into the mounds of wisdom and creative learnings you have so vastly available to you, just by being you.

My meditation and mindfulness practice is my main tool to help me explore the dark and light tunnels within me. To understand, heal ,and grow further into relationship with all parts of me while reflecting myself out into the world from the inside out. These sacred practices allow me to anchor in the oak tree I am.

What are you anchoring practices? What keeps you grounded in you? Shoot me a note and share with me what is resonating from this week’s offering. I would love to connect with you.

You know, I may never be a banyan tree, but if Thor, Zeus, witches, ancient celts, and our very own country find brilliance in an oak tree’s simple but sturdy presence... so can I.

Be the tree you are.




Even if you are not a fancy banyan tree.


If your new to my BLOG -- WELCOME! Im on a mission to connect as many people as possible to their personal value so they too can create lives of abundance, joy & contribution.  The world needs more good.  The world needs you!  Follow me on my adventures to ignite more personal joy throughout the world. Sign up for my SUPPORT SQUAD Newsletter here.



Heartfelt reminder for the Monday morning blues...


What I have come to learn about empowered living through various tough and messy lessons: It's not all rainbows & unicorns.

Nor is it living on an extreme high everyday.  Its a daily practice of radical self reliance, support, and care.

It's a series of constant choice making around the narratives, perceptions and actions you CHOOSE to participate in everyday.

So for today, this morning, right now my heartfelt reminder to you is please choose to remember --

You are a special being.

You are allowed to ask for what you need.
You deserve to be happy NOW.

You can take a few moments for self care when ever you want.

You are loved.

You are not alone.

You are unique.

Don't get it twisted, the universe actually wants you to be who you really are in all your glory, human-being, messy ways and know that in itself is enough.

If this scares you to do --don't do it alone.  We all need a support system.

I can't promise you won't ever feel fear again but what I can promise is you can grow a sense of empowerment supporting you in choosing to:

  • No longer get paralyzed by fear based thinking
  • Start each day with a new ritual to begin from love & leadership
  • Take back control from negative thinking.

Your goals, your dreams, who you are truly capable of being deserves to get into action and see your dreams come to life.

Loads of love,


If your new to my BLOG -- WELCOME! Im on a mission to connect as many people as possible to their personal value so they too can create lives of abundance, joy & contribution.  The world needs more good.  The world needs you!  Follow me on my adventures to ignite more personal joy throughout the world. Sign up for my SUPPORT SQUAD Newsletter here.



"Out of Box" Living saved me....


“Out-of-the-box” living means I do my best to live and be seen as my most enlightened self.

A self that delivers the highest return of joy, emotional wealth and love.

I show up as ME.  Authentic, unapologetic me.

For years I boycotted my authentic self, which manifested years of unhappy, unbalanced, and unfulfilled living.

The day I decided to change that, to embrace the woman I was meant to be, was the day I became an agent of change.

You don’t need to be a vegan, wear Mala beads, or wear cut-off motivational t-shirts to be an agent of change (and if you do any or all of those things...that’s great too!)

You don’t need a certain label, certain clothing or a certain following - I promise you.

Although I live a very conscious and mindful life, I have family members and friends who think my Mala beads are an accessory; that my use of words like karma, energetic healing, and chakra is some kind of foreign tongue. BUT, that by no means disqualifies them from being agents of change! It doesn’t mean they love any less than me, feel any less than me, or share fewer goals. These are incredibly powerful, talented beings making great change in this world - even if they never step foot on a yoga mat or chant to Tibetan drums.

My community and I have reached a beautiful place where we invite and celebrate each other’s thoughts and worldviews without judgment. We mutually agree it is a right and responsibility within us all to be agents of change. After all...if the common human goal is to find and share love, why would we let fear and judgment stand in the way of compassion, understanding and respect?

Community, creativity and collaboration - is this the magic equation for bridging societal gaps?

I hope so.

Judgment and fear of judgment is stopping so many connections and conversations from being had. I am guilty of this too. I am scared to share the “woo-woo” side of me (sending this email alone is terrifying), but as an agent of change I acknowledge my fear and proudly hit SEND nonetheless.

I want to inspire more conversations, where like-minded individuals (despite differences in language or beliefs) come together and create.

Conversations that can change the world.

Join me where you are and and I’ll join you where I am - a full-bodied human with ideas and feelings that are sometimes very messy but usually lead me to the most brilliance and clarity. Where do you find your brilliance? Share with me in the comments - I would love to hear from you.  I want to know and UNDERSTAND you.

Community needs  community.

Creativity needs collaboration to truly ignite.

Within each of us is a talent to offer more healing to our world.

Change is healing. Change is love and light. Change is necessary. Change is truth.

We can start where we agree. Change is guaranteed.

So as I sit here, drinking a cinnamon-infused coconut water from my co-working space in Bali listening to the new A Tribe Called Quest album, my desire to make an impact is no less.

I shall be me.

Please be you.

Let’s start here.

Love from here.


If your new to my BLOG -- WELCOME! Im on a mission to connect as many people as possible to their personal value so they too can create lives of abundance, joy & contribution.  The world needs more good.  The world needs you!  Follow me on my adventures to ignite more personal joy throughout the world. Sign up for my SUPPORT SQUAD Newsletter here.





Hello beautiful ones!

Yesterday I was in Windsor, England with two of my best girlfriends.  We had a proper English breakfast from a nearby Farm (AMAZING), went shopping and stopped for coffee.  The one thing I love about both these woman is they sure know how to TALK .  We talked about everything; reflecting on when we first met, their lives now with children, our careers, our priorities and how they are shifting now that we are getting older. Tears were shared (mostly mine -- no surprise), belly laughs had, and even pockets of sweet silence for each of us to reflect inward deepening our enjoyment of the day. No subject was untouched or feeling & thought left unexplored.

The one thing I noticed with delight, while each of us are in very different places in various areas of our lives the one thing that was solid between the three of us was our support for one another right where we were at.

All day if you were a fly on the wall you would hear things like:

"That would look amazing on you"

"That is so Melissa"

"Yes, you should do this, you are amazing at it"

"Its all working out, it will"

"Thats a great email to get, let's toast"

"Nice buy, Jen -- enjoy it"

"You are such a a great Mother, I am learning a lot from you"

"You are so brilliant Megan, they way you handled that was amazing"

"You are 100% allowed to feel that way"

"You are doing a superb job, keep going"

"It may feel that way but could this feeling be blocking you,  come on now -- stand in your power".

I am so damn grateful to be surrounded by a group of women who innately are RIDE OR DIE beacons of support for one another.  No questioning or projecting...just "OKAY, this is where you are at -- great. I'm in as your friend and Support Squad".

I invite you to look at your Tribe and the way you interact with one another.  Are you RIDE OR DIE in support and love?  Is that unconditional acceptance and gentleness being offered and received?  What can you take ownership of if it is not? I noticed at times I may have felt left out of a conversation about children or families was my own doing.  In these moments where my fear of "falling behind" or lack was being triggered I would ask myself, "Am I unconditionally meeting myself where I am at in these moments"?  This quick reframing allows the experience to shift back to a place of empowerment.  I no longer experience my friends from a place of lack or scarcity cause you better believe they sure aren't experiencing me that way.  By meeting myself where I am at I make room for others to do the same.

Love your TRIBE hard and may they love you back the same way.

Ignite Challenge: Call up a member of your Tribe today and let them know how grateful you are to have such love in your life.  Spread love & gratitude....easy way to connect & heal.  This world sure needs more of that right now.



The picture above was taken of my friend Megan and I in Windsor, England after a a great day of feeding Swans, shopping, coffee by the water and loads of laughing!

Dedicated to Megan & Jen.  Thank you for being who you are as you are and allowing me to do the same. xo.

If your new to my BLOG -- WELCOME! Im on a mission to connect as many people as possible to their personal value so they too can create lives of abundance, joy & contribution.  The world needs more good.  The world needs you!  Join my squad!  A private Facebook committed dedicated to daily conversation around empowered, mindful and intuitive living! Click here to gain access! See you in the Support Squad!



"Thank you for today, Melissa" #heartmushin321....


“Thank you for today, Melissa.”

My loves,

Last Monday, I was running late to Reiki class.

I ran out of the cafe where I was working and asked a nice taxi driver to give me a lift.

In Bali it is cheaper to take a “Scooby” taxi (motorbike) than a car. And to be honest, it’s a ton of fun!

We jumped on and he asked, “Fast or slow?”

Given I was running late (but also knowing that “fast” here means risky tricks and driving on the wrong side of the road), I said “Not too fast and not too slow.” He smiled at me, then proceeded at turtle speed. We both started laughing loudly and playfully, from the belly. I don’t know why we thought it was so funny but we couldn't stop laughing. I forgot I was late and we continued to laugh at each other and at all the people passing him and honking. “Not too fast and not too slow,” he said again. It was exactly the comic relief I needed to settle down - I would get to class on time, and in the meantime could relax and enjoy the ride.

A few moments later the driver said, “Melissa, thank you for today.”

“I have been waiting all day for a customer, and you are my first one.”

“Thank you for today. I will get customers now.”

I could sense him smiling to himself, excited for the rest of his day.

This statement stuck with me all day, and continues to now.

He thanked me for his whole day, just because I asked for what I needed, a simple taxi ride (which turned out to be far more impactful).

It got me thinking…

How often are we stopping and thanking people for the small things? The little moments we mindlessly participate in, but which can leave a lasting impression?

Bali has been a wild ride. Here, I am really present to how often I exchange positivity with those around me. It comes in simple gestures - sharing my meal, offering a tissue or a hug, asking someone their name, offering support or a smile. You never know how small interactions like these will be received by someone else. That Scooby ride cost me no more than $2.00, but for my new friend it set the tone for his entire day.

This morning as I was leaving another friend’s home, one of their house attendants (who I have grown to love) walked me out. She reminded me to enjoy my day, drink water and come back soon. She hugged me and patted my back. Every time she sees me she does this ritual, always with such love in her eyes. Before walking away, I turned to her and said “Thank you for today. You’re the first person to hug me today and I needed that reminder of love - thank you.”

She put her hands together and bowed. My gratitude pleased her beyond words.

Presence creates connection.
Connection creates more love.
This is what it means to be human.

For today — can you take notice of the small things you do for others, as well as what they do for you?

Can you share with others how this impacts your life?

Can you also look in the mirror and do the same for yourself? You deserve that gratitude and self love.

With that said, Support Squad…

Thank YOU for today.

For reading this.

For being here for me, and letting me share my heart with you.

For taking away whatever you do or don’t take away.

For showing up to your life fully human - it inspires me to do the same.

I would love to hear from you. Do you have a moment like this that made you PAUSE and point your internal compass back to gratitude? Hit reply and tell me all about it.

With love,